Dementia: The Brains Trust, Episode 2 – Warwick and Pummy Hickling

New ZealandUpdated

8 Mar, 2021 03:53 PM3 minutes to read

He fell for her as a lusty 13-year-old.

Now Warwick Hickling, 83, is his wife’s full-time carer.

“All the boys were dead keen on the girls who were fully developed,” Warwick told the Herald cheekily.

“The girls who were flat-chested never got a look in. I’ll be completely honest, with Pummy, that was the number one attraction.”

Pamela (Pummy) Hickling suffers from severe Alzheimer’s. Photo / Mike Scott

On their wedding day, March 28, 1959, Warwick made a commitment to look after Pummy (Pam) in sickness and health.

“Now it’s time to honour it. Simple as that.”

Pummy, 83, has been living with dementia for years. She forgets Warwick is her husband, struggles to know what to do with a fork, and at dusk she walks around the house in circles talking to herself and the furniture.

A mother’s day note to Pamela (Pummy) Hickling, who suffers from advanced dementia. Photo / Mike Scott

The retired couple live in a house Warwick built at Wainui beach in Gisborne. They had planned to buy a cabin on a cruise ship – their first overseas trip together – but Pummy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

Warwick was adamant he would care for her.

“This is the woman you’ve spent 61 years with, you’ve made love to thousands of times. Whatever I wanted to do in life, she always backed me. When we started on the farm, I couldn’t have done it without her. She had three little kids under 5, she was in the yards chasing the sheep, I’d be crutching all day. She’d sort out the wool then we’d go home at night and she’d cook a meal. You don’t forget that.”

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Pamela (Pummy) Hickling suffers from severe Alzheimer’s and is looked after by her husband Warwick in their Gisborne home. Photo / Mike Scott

He breaks off. “I’m getting emotional.”

Warwick says he never imagined he would end his days as a “house husband” and “nursemaid” but he still sees glimpses of the girl he fell in love with.

Pamela (Pummy) Hickling forgets who her husband is and struggles with the basics. Photo / Mike Scott

“I love Pummy as much as I ever did. All I know is I am happy doing the right thing. I can sleep with a clear conscience, knowing I’ve done my best.”

Dementia: The Brains Trust – The full series

Supported by NZ On Air

Episode 1 – Deborah and Anne Pead: ‘She’s my mum and I love her – but mentally there’s nothing there’

Episode 2 – Warwick and Pummy Hickling: ‘In sickness and in health’ – the love story of Warwick and Pummy

Episode 3 – Care villages offer new approach: Can’t see, can’t hear, no balance – Mike Scott learns what dementia feels like

Episode 4 – Rita Marx and the Māori way: ‘I think everyone could see my mum had dementia except me’

Episode 5 – Mike, Bob and Christine Scott: ‘My daughter’s name is Christine’

Episode 6 – Mike Scott’s MRI scan: ‘This MRI scan could tell me if I’ll get dementia. Do I want to find out?’

Where to get help

If this content has raised any concerns for you, please see your GP or contact:

Dementia New Zealand
0800 433 636
Email: support@dementia.nz

Alzheimers New Zealand
0800 004 001
Email: admin@alzheimers.org.nz

• If it is a medical issue and you need advice, call Healthline on 0800 611 116.

• Call 111 in the event of an emergency.